[ Endo hums as he finishes making his way over to Accelerator, as though considering his defense, which is honestly pretty boring. It takes away from the thrill that he was starting to feel when he saw that look in his eyes. And though he thinks that Accelerator is either a shut-in in his normal life or incredibly deluded, given that he's failing to see why his arguments are worth nothing after everything he did while he was riding high and mighty, he still takes him seriously enough to stop with a little distance remaining between them. He isn't a fool; he doesn't take anything at face value.
Besides, it's more fun to hold the crutch just out of reach, allowing it to dangle loosely from his hand. ]
You don't spend a lot of time with other people, do you?
[ He's making an educated guess. Technically, Endo is supportive of the whole not-caring-about-other-people approach to life. It's his opinion that Takiishi's absolute lack of interest in anyone but himself is the key to his strength as a fighter. The difference is that Takiishi truly doesn't care — and doesn't even try to pretend otherwise. If he were in Accelerator's place, he would've swooped in, put everyone down for the count, and left. No monologues, no appeals, no bragging or inflated opinions. Accelerator's punch may have the capacity to be many times stronger than Takiishi's, but it will never hit as hard — because he's wrapped up in the drama of it all. He's stuck in the muck of his own ego.
There's nothing so devastating as being punched by someone with a blank look on his face. Nothing hurts more than being beaten into the ground by someone who truly doesn't care. Endo would know. He's been on the receiving end many times.
Truthfully, he doesn't give two shits about Accelerator either. All that excitement he felt wasn't for him specifically; it was the challenge that his false power provided. It was that choker. Accelerator might as well be a gnat; as soon as his juice is all gone, Endo could crush him with ease — but why would he bother, when he's so insignificant like this: barely standing and yet clutching desperately to a minimal amount of perceived power. ]
You're pretty bad at this, so I'm gonna help you out. You better shut up, and fast, because everything coming out of your mouth is only adding fuel to the fire that's about to consume you.
[ As always, he remains loose in body language, relaxed as he gives this lecture. ]
You beat the crap out of our own, which we're already pissed about, and you're going to say that was going easy on 'em? You chose to pick these last few fights, involving yourself in something that had nothing to do with you, and you're gonna say you don't give two shits? You stopped fighting because you ran out of strength, but you sure as hell didn't stop knowing that no one else was as strong as you. It was all fine when you were doing the overpowering, but it ain't cool if you're about to be overpowered.
[ Endo laughs. He finds Accelerator's lack of logic genuinely funny. The guy has absolutely nothing going for him without his choker. Endo's losing interest in the device on principle alone — what's the point of it, if it'll just make the wearer complacent and weak in the long run? Look at what it's done to him.
But hey. He can be a fair guy when he wants to be. He'll throw a bone, even though Accelerator can't seem to conceptualize the ways in which he's been unfair. ]
Give me one good reason to call them off, and I will.
[ He'll do it, too. But it has to be an actual reason, or an offering, or a deal that really wows him. Because otherwise it's only fair to give him exactly what he gave. ]
brb having Accy break Endo's arm so he can take him to the hospital
[He's being given a choice? Accelerator blinks at that, surprised at the offer.
The easiest option would be to just crush everyone here. The next would be his plan to knock Endo out and leave. By far the hardest option for himself would be to try and talk his way out, and because of that he'd love to just dismiss the offer outright. Who wouldn't want to take the easy option when it's right there? But... it's the option that offers the least amount of violence, and what was it the Will of the Network had told him?
"You are the #1 monster, so isn’t the most comfortable thing for you easy conflict and easy violence followed by easy victory /escape?"
He's quiet as he listens to Endo, really listens to him. He isn't wrong about getting involved in something that wasn't his business -- he could've easily left the fighting alone, for better or for worse. By choosing to get involved, especially in the way that he did, that's on him. The consequences of that choice are on him, not anyone else.
“Struggle for someone’s sake /return. Struggle in the way that is truly hardest for you /return."
So whether or not he responds to this using violence, that's his choice too. And those consequences are on him as well.
"And if you take the easy road out and became a monster, I will throw you into a hell several sizes larger than you are imagining /return.”
Goddamnit.
He claps a hand to his forehead and sighs heavily. Shockingly, he doesn't make the slightest attempt at arguing.]
You're right. I'm not good at this. I'm the last person who should be telling anyone what to do.
[Ugh, he wishes that Level 0 was around. He's so much better at talking to people, he has actual friends. Chances are if he was here there'd still be a fight, but Accelerator is utterly confident in his ability to somehow de-escalate situations through violence where no one gets permanently hurt and everyone gets a happy ending. He isn't like that. Like the Will had told him, he struggles.]
... If you seriously think that I'm powerless just because this thing - [He jabs a finger at his choker] - is running low on battery, you're dead wrong.
[There's no point in trying to hide it. Given the subject matter - his strength - it's clear to anyone with eyes that the two are intrinsically tied together. He still isn't sure why his doctor added that stupid light to the choker, but he has to just deal with it. Besides, his brain injury and just about everything that goes along with it are common knowledge back home. This isn't the first time he's had to talk about it to an opponent, and that softens the blow.]
I'm not. The problem is, as far as I can see, you're just a bunch of delinquents. None of you deserve to die, not even that masochist, as much as he might beg for it. If you walk away right now, the most anyone's gonna have is some bruises, maybe a sprain or two, and a killer headache in the morning. You'll gonna walk away in one piece. But if you don't, the probability that someone will die is gonna skyrocket. I'm not exaggerating, and I'm not gonna put any blame on whoever gets killed. It'll be my fault and only my fault for not being more careful, but that's just the reality of it.
[He isn't sure. He really isn't sure. His wings don't require any calculation effort on his part, meaning the device can be in normal mode or powered down and they can still manifest -- and that's the problem. Those things require a certain mindset, and he's uncertain he'll get to that point. There's a chance he won't. But if he does and those things come out, and he doesn't have the presence of mind to contain the damage that they can do --
It would be bad. Unpleasant memories of crushing Kihara, tearing up the Russian countryside, nearly ripping apart law enforcement back in the city flash through his head. Shifting some more, he slumps with his back against the streetlight and drags his hand down his face.]
I messed up. I should've given more thought to whether or not I should get involved. And since I did, I should've just knocked everyone out in the first few minutes instead of screwing around. [Instead of having fun. Very rude of him to do that.]
he should break it bc it's what endo deserves for being Like This after that genuine effort
[ This is the worst please-let-me-go speech that Endo has ever heard.
He was angling for something like a bribe, or information, or anything, really, that wasn't a weird self-depreciating yet still egotistical acceptance of his chiding. Yeah, he pointed out Accelerator's flaws and lack of logic, but it wasn't to get him to renege on his actions. These negotiations usually end in full-on groveling, frantically rambled bank account numbers, or juicy pieces of knowledge that will benefit Endo in the long run.
The longer Accelerator speaks, the more Endo looks at him like he's the unhinged one in this interaction. At the end, he motions at Noroshi, sending them on their way, but it's not because he's giving in to the guy's monologue. If he really gets into the thick of it, that's not even a true acceptance of his lecture, since he's still on the I'm-gonna-kill-you kick, only softened.
It's not that he doesn't believe Accelerator. He's seen enough of what he can do to take his warnings seriously, even if he's still going to laugh in the face of them. Which he does. He laughs, again. ]
You got it wrong, man. What you did was great. It helped me kill some time and have a little fun. All fights should be chaotic, otherwise they'd get stale. It's kind of a buzzkiller that you're going back on all that.
[ He abruptly becomes very serious — some would even say scarily so: ]
It's your attitude. You're pathetic underneath all that power, and everything that comes out of your mouth makes it worse.
[ But he transitions away from that easily, brightening a little too quickly thereafter. ]
Alright! I've got a deal for you. Let me punch you. Just once, no barrier. Then I'll give you your crutch and let you go back where you came from.
oho we could do that!! either via reflection or Accy's black wings
[His eyes flick back over to the other gang members, silent as he watches them leave. Did that work? Did that seriously work?
He isn't good at speaking. He isn't charismatic, he's never been and he has no idea how other people can manage something like that. Being honest seemed like the most difficult option for him, the riskiest but also the one that would result in the least amount of bloodshed, and he was fully expecting it to fail. But they're leaving, they're going who-knows-where and that means those kids, at least, don't stand a chance of being killed today.
Accelerator is grateful for that and glances back over at Endo. He isn't leaving. That's okay. This is better than he hoped. He doesn't bat an eye at being called pathetic (self-loathing is a bitch), instead making some mental notes about Endo. This is giving him some interesting insight on the guy, stuff to think about later. Strange how this is the only time he's seen him be serious. That change is shut on and off like a light switch, and it's a little unsettling.
But more importantly --
Just one punch? That's it? Accelerator stares back, shocked that he's getting off so easily. One punch even without his reflection is okay, he can handle that. It's hardly comparable to some of the things he did to Endo's subordinates. It doesn't take him any time to consider the offer, with the shock on his face fading he gives a firm nod.]
Okay. Fine.
[He pushes away from the streetlight, legs still trembling, so that the pole is no longer behind him. It would suck for this to be a punch to the face and his head got bashed into the metal -- he doesn't want another brain injury. Moving so it's next to him, he rests a hand against it so he still has a bit of support.]
One punch.
let's do it! endo deserves to be humbled a little and that prob won't happen with anyone else
[ He tosses the crutch over to where Accelerator was leaning against the streetlight before he moved to the side, essentially handing it over ahead of time, overly confident that this guy is going to be true to his word. He seemed pretty earnest in that terrible speech of his, and despite his many shortcomings, he does seem to operate on some kind of moral scale. Endo's also confident that if he does go back on his word, this won't be the end of this little situation of theirs. His strengths don't end with fighting.
But! No need to worry about that now. Once the crutch is out of his hands, he closes the gap between himself and Accelerator at that same lazy pace as before.
He does indeed intend for this to be a punch to the face, and he also believes that Accelerator will underestimate the force of it. He put on a show of being shoddy at fighting, so there's no reason for him to believe that this punch is really going to hurt. That's why Endo's looking at this like a twofold gotcha: making it clear he's actually good at fighting, while also humbling him a little once his shield is down.
He knows that it's still just a punch, no matter how much power he puts into it. He isn't doing the damage that Accelerator is capable of; but this isn't about revenge. Contrary to what many think, he doesn't care about petty matters like that.
He raises his fist up high and takes his time in winding up correctly — from the base of his stance, his core, his arms, all the way into his fist. He puts full momentum into the punch, and when he drives his fist down, he does so quickly, intending the impact to be both fast and incredibly hard. It's a finisher move, though there's nothing to finish — except for Accelerator's ego. ]
[At least he has his crutch back! Thank God for that, he really needs that thing to help with his mobility.
Endo steps closer and Accelerator can feel his heart rate speed up, something he's chalking up to him having to ignore his fight-or-flight reflex that's surging in response to the violence that's bearing down on him. He remains still, having absolutely no intention of backing down or fighting back, staring up at Endo passively as he winds up.
Pain explodes through his face and the force of the punch is enough to send him flying. It's no surprise, given he needs the crutch to stand and otherwise doesn't have much in the way of muscle. He hits the ground hard with a grunt, and lays there still for several moments as his head spins.
Then, slowly, he reaches a hand up to tentatively touch his nose. Another bout of pain causes him to wince, and when he pulls his hand away he can see blood. Honestly, it's a miracle his nose isn't broken from that hit. It could've gone way worse, so even though seeing his own blood is a rare sight he doesn't look put off by it. Actually, amidst the grimace on his face is something more akin to thoughtfulness.
This reminds him of another fight. One that had gone poorly for him, and better for everyone else involved. This punch hit him far, far harder than the one from that Level 0 (unbeknownst to Accelerator, Kamijou had been sticking to light jabs the entire time to remain agile) but he still remembers that first punch, the shock of it and the shock of doing the same motion to realize that, for the first time in his life, he had a bloody nose. Up until then all the blood he had encountered had been from his opponents, mainly from the Sisters.
Their crushed and dismembered bodies flash through his mind as he keeps staring down at his hand.
Right now, he only feels like this was deserved.]
.... Hah.
[Shakily, he pushes himself up onto his free hand. He guesses this means Endo isn't as bad a fighter as he had previously thought, though in his brain he's still absolutely nothing compared to that Level 0.]
[ Endo derives a lot of satisfaction from the contact between his fist and Accelerator's face. The majority of his fights aren't all that serious, from his perspective. He likes to toy with his opponents, get them riled up and emotional, provoke them into action, and then use a lot of dodging and blocking when fighting back. If and when he gets to punching, he doesn't need to fight with everything he has. Most people are either scared off or KO'd before he has a chance to think about going all-out.
So to put all his speed and strength into a punch — to feel the impact on his knuckles, the way a face both resists and caves as he pushes further into it — is a rare treat. Arguably, it's a little overkill, since Accelerator is nothing without his choker's boosts, but Endo would be lying if he said that he derived no enjoyment from watching him fall with the momentum of his punch just to rise newly bloody.
Accelerator's commentary is laughable...so Endo laughs. ]
I'd give you more, but we both know the only way you're taking a second punch is if —
[ He taps his neck, pretending to have a choker of his own in lieu of finishing the statement. Then he seamlessly transitions to adding: ]
You're kinda desperate to prove yourself, aren't ya? All that fake power that makes you feel like you're strong enough to be a good person, but take that away and it's obvious you just wanna feel better about yourself. Look at your face. Look at where you are. Look at what's left. You're clinging to your ego because there's nothing else. If you strip it away, what do you have? Just pain you're feeling right now, with nothing to make it stop.
[ Shit at fighting, shit at taking a punch, shit at saving the day. What did he even accomplish here, aside from hurting a few people? The fighting only stopped because Endo let it. Noroshi walked away (mostly) whole. ]
[Accelerator doesn't argue against that claim. Yeah, even if the punch didn't feel the same as that Level 0's, chances are good a second one would knock him out. In order to stand a chance against any kind of follow-up attack he'd need his reflection, and with under a minute left using it isn't a good idea.
He remains quiet as Endo continues rambling. If it was possible for him to block him out he would, but as it is those words pierce his mind and dig in. They're like fish hooks, embedding themselves deep enough that the holes they're tearing in his psyche are releasing a familiar buzzing, a static that makes his head ache.
He knows all of this. Of course he does. Being a good person - hell, even being a normal person - is completely beyond him at this point. He'd been a monster for years and years, and now he's struggling to stay one step above that, in some pitiful limbo where he's still too terrible to ever be good, but too scared to go back to being fully bad. And being in that place leads to incidents like this one, where his attempt to stop a mass fight only resulted in him being violent.
Still, Endo doesn't need to shove it in his face. Regardless of how true it is, it hurts to hear. Not looking up from his bloody hand, Accelerator croaks out a response.]
[ Fighting isn't all about strength and power. It's also a mental game. Get someone to lose confidence or doubt their abilities and they'll lose focus. Prod their ego until it deflates and they'll start doubting themselves. Make them emotional and then they'll really be set to lose. You just have to know what to say and when to say it.
Endo's always been good at that, though it's rare that he applies it so thickly. Usually, he gets into someone's head just enough to cause a few screw ups and then claims victory. Truly invading someone's mind and breaking them down takes a lot of effort that's pointless, since he's capable of cinching a fight with half that amount of work. He only goes that far if there's something he really wants.
In this situation, continuing to push Accelerator is overkill, just like his punch. He doesn't actually want anything from him, and he isn't the kind of guy to hold a grudge just because Accelerator smacked Noroshi around. A lot of what's transpired between them is inconsequential, and the choker has lost its appeal at this point. Though Endo is still curious, and wouldn't mind getting his hands on it, it isn't as much of a motivating factor as it was before, and it isn't the driving point behind his verbal barrage. Ultimately, Accelerator is like the majority of the guys that Endo has fought over time — not worth much more than an insult or two. Endo has no feelings for him at all — not hatred, and not infatuation.
But hey — he deserves to have a little fun sometimes, and Accelerator deserves a little wake-up call, so if he wants to pass the time by demonstrating that being formidable is a hell of a lot more than just swinging around fake strength, then why the hell not? It'll make Accelerator think twice about meandering his way to this territory again, in case he gets any big ideas now that he more or less knows Noroshi's haunts.
Hence, as soon as he's told to shut up, Endo's eyes go a little wide — a little feverish as that break in Accelerator's armor widens. Those two words are all Endo needs to know that he's right on the mark, and he can't help the exhilaration that follows. Like a predator closing in on making a kill, his body moves loosely but with an underlying tension that vibrates with a need for release.
He takes a step forward. ]
Why? So you can pretend it isn't true? So you can get that choker working right again, put up that fancy barrier, and act you can't be touched? Pretend that's who you really are? Someone strong. Someone good. Someone who can make a difference outside so you feel different inside?
[ He another step closer. He hasn't forgotten Accelerator's warning, so he's careful not to put too much physical pressure on him, but using his presence is also important. ]
It doesn't work that way. I see the raw, desperate truth inside of you. And you hate it, don't you? Because that's the real you.
[Psychological warfare is something Accelerator is familiar with, having been on both ends of it in his life. Despite his preference towards using his ability to terrify people and win fights after his brain injury there have been times when he's gotten creative, and used it to come out on top. It's been rare though, and more often than not he's been on the receiving end of it.
One unfortunate reality of espers is the prevalence of mental instability. The process involved in creating them requires the deliberate disassociation of the mind from reality, and the stronger the esper, the stronger the split. Beyond that is the experimentation, scientists often treating the espers as guinea pigs.
When it comes to the #1 Level 5 beating him through physical force is nigh impossible, and preying on his mental state has always been far more effective. Endo is far from the first person to take advantage of this weak point, and there's a part of Accelerator's brain screaming at him to just ignore the guy, but he can't. He isn't wrong, he isn't wrong, and that means if he ignores him then he's just burying himself in a completely absurd amount of denial. He refuses to do that. He doesn't deserve that.
The static in his head is getting louder, just not loud enough to drown out Endo as he keeps going. His shoulders tremble and he finally drags his gaze up, stiffening when he sees Endo has gotten closer. The distinct fear and desperation of feeling like a cornered animal crosses his mind. If he had even a minute of battery left he'd be using it right now -- as it is his bloodied hand twitches with the urge to move to his neck.]
I said shut up.
[It's a pitiful counter and he knows it's totally pointless, but those words are tumbling out of his mouth anyways before he can stop them.]
[ Seeing Accelerator stiffen as he raises his eyes makes Endo giddy; he begins trembling in anticipation. Accelerator is close to breaking, he can feel it — as though he's holding him in his palm, a leaf that's easily crumbled, a shell that's cracking under pressure. Endo hits a point of return within himself, the allure of pushing him beyond the brink suddenly overwhelming. It's no longer about teaching him a lesson or having a little fun. Endo is entirely motivated by the way it feels to look into Accelerator's eyes. It isn't the fear, though — that's not what Endo wants to see. He's searching for something else, something deeper, stronger, something that is reserved entirely for him.
He doesn't see it, not yet, but the potential is there, and it makes Endo's heart race. The smile on his face is anything but measured — it enters a state of fervor that is disproportionate to the situation as a whole, especially since he hasn't touched Accelerator since the punch. Wild is the only way to describe his eyes, his eagerness, the way everything else takes a backseat to the growing roar within his mind.
Up until this very moment, he hadn't wanted Accelerator — not to have, hold, possess, or slot into some made-up spot within Noroshi. But if he snaps him the way he would a twig beneath his shoe, then maybe — maybe he will reach out and touch that choker, his neck, the expanse of skin that's so covered — and watch as that those eyes widen, and see only him.
It's easy now; something fragile has already begun to bend. All Endo needs to do is add a final piece of pressure, small but heavy enough to shatter. If only he could reach out and set his hand against Accelerator's throat, to seek his pulse, to feel each breath move in and out, close to stilling.
He found something good in this whim of a meeting. Now he needs to destroy it so he can shape it into something beautiful. ]
[Endo says those simple few words, things any reasonable person would be able to ignore, and there's a split inside of Accelerator's mind.
He's known he was a monster for a long, long time. There were points in his life where he tried to prove otherwise, but they never lasted and he always returned to being a monster. He always sank back down into the mud. That's how it is right now, he's just sinking and sinking and sinking --
People can be monsters. He's known loads of them, mainly scientists, sometimes kids like himself, but none of them ever reached the same level of demonic as him. None of them willingly drowned themselves in as much innocent as he has. He's unique in the worst way possible, and it leaves him feeling like something viscerally familiar to him - a chewed up, mangled carcass - but it's true.
Accelerator stares up at Endo, the fear draining out of him, leaving his expression desperate. His vision starts to blur and the static in his head gets louder. Endo is right in one sense and wrong in another. He isn't a person, but he isn't nothing. He doesn't want to be a monster, but he is one and there isn't anything he can do about it.
There's a change in the air pressure immediately surrounding them, moments before a resounding boom causes the windows in the buildings around them to shudder. A jet black substance suddenly explodes out of Accelerator's back, spraying dozens of meters into the air in the form of two long, dark wings. Looming high above the two of them the wings start to distort and bend, scraping against nearby buildings and shattering glass, the darkness they're made of swallowing up any light that reaches them. Accelerator trembles, still staring at Endo, almost as if he doesn't even notice what's going on behind him.
This isn't the first time these things have manifested themselves, and every single time they've come out they've been nearly impossible to control. Right now is no different. There's another bursting noise as the wings start to intertwine with each other, tearing at each other like animals desperately trying to rip each other apart.]
[ It's — beautiful. And terrifying. And unlike anything he's ever seen.
He's only felt this way once in his life, years ago, when he looked up at some scaffolding and saw a boy his age covered in blood, shining in the moonlight. He reached out to touch him and got burned, and for the first time in his life, he felt everything he hadn't before: fear. excitement. anxiety. utter joy.
That's what he experiences when he looks upon this, the result of his work. He no longer has eyes for Accelerator, the weak and fragile nonentity, but what he has become: a monster, one that Endo would never seek to tame, but would carry throughout the world to watch it bring about the end.
Only, the wings are not on fire; they do not burn. They are dark and cold — a manifestation of emptiness. They lash out as though they herald despair. Nothing will be ash when they recede, because all that will be left is a void.
Over the years, Endo has reached out and been burned, and reached out again, and again, and again. Every time, Takiishi ignored him, punched him, burned him, and Endo still reached. He still reaches. This is no different. He recognizes the danger; he's drawn to it. He will touch it, and it will bore through him, and Endo will call for it again. Because what he does, as he watches the wings entangle with each other, as he hears each resounding burst of violence, is feel.
[Endo's words keep on wedging themselves into Accelerator's brain, preventing any crushed stability from repairing itself, and in response the wings slice more erratically through the air. The force of them is growing strong enough to leave dents and cracks in the sides of buildings, and one particularly large bang forces him to glance over. Staring at the damage, a horrible sinking feeling worms its way into his insides.
Oh. This has happened before. A few times, and during most of them there was someone there to talk him down. Last Order, or that Level 0. They aren't here now, it's only him and Endo, and that's worse than being alone. At least if he was alone all that would be driving him would be his own self-loathing.
Accelerator drops his head, curls in on himself and gripping his hair. His breathing is coming in harsh, short bursts.]
I'm -- I'm not -- .... [A god? Nothing? He doesn't finish his thought, he can't. Endo swerving from calling him nothing to a god only brings up bad memories, in turn causing his wings to grow more frenzied. He can't be a god, he deliberately walked away from that path when he abandoned the Level 6 Shift Experiment, leaving a mountain of bodies in his wake.
Being a god meant a second mountain, another ten thousand corpses bloodying his hands. More dead Sisters. A dead Last Order. As much of a monster as he is, he could never accept that, and even the thought of it causes him to shudder before he vehemently shakes his head.]
[ Earlier, Endo found himself in a strange middle ground, caught between feeling curious about Accelerator's choker and unimpressed by his lack of true strength. He experiences that same sense of indecision as soon as Accelerator opens his mouth, pulled out of his revelry by a denial that's as weak and feeble as that body of his when his choker is set to green. It's like whiplash: one moment he's so entranced that his hand is trembling with the desire to reach out, and the next he gives Accelerator a cold, dark look, regardless if he raises his head to see it. ]
Shut up.
[ How can a person be so beautiful and simultaneously so wretched? He doesn't want to think about that now, but if Accelerator hears Endo murmur something about an awakening, he wouldn't be imagining things. Endo will think about how exactly he'll need to break Accelerator down (again) so he can be the god that he is clearly meant to be — later, after this moment has receded. Right now, he wants to stand too close to darkness and feel it pass through him.
But he does think to himself, as those wings thrash with increasing abandon, that he has decided he wants Accelerator to be his. His to train, his to wield, his to shape.
He will have him.
He takes another step, putting himself beside Accelerator, rather than in front of him. He has had enough of being studied. He's tired of experiencing the dichotomy between true power and the worthlessness of Accelerator's comments. ]
[He misses the look -- not that he'd be able to see it even if he still had his eyes on Endo, by this point Accelerator's vision has become a blurred mess -- but he doesn't need to see it, not when it's so easy to pick up the sudden shift in Endo's mood through his voice. It's a wild swing between elation and fury, and it makes Accelerator shudder.
That's right. He knows what he is. Endo isn't dragging it out of him, he's just doing a damn good job of confirming the thing that he became all on his own.
He isn't a god, and he isn't nothing. He's a monster, and as he sinks further and further into his acceptance of this he has to wonder what the hell he's even doing. What is it monsters do best, after all? They destroy.
Buried amidst all the pain and self-loathing is anger, and as Accelerator gives up it explodes out of him.
Endo reaches out and the wings shift, going from a vibrating, formless darkness to something sharpened. They almost resemble feathers, though the detail isn't there and they still undulate unnaturally, as if holding any kind of shape won't last for very long. Then, in a moment of sudden direction, one twists away from the other and plunges downwards, directly at him.]
[ They're even more beautiful like this: sharp and yet still impossible to fully discern, powerful and yet still entirely uncontrolled. Can he be blamed for wanting to touch them? For walking so close to something so dangerous, just to enjoy the way his heart beats in unison with their swells? Look at how they respond to him, how they move as his fingers nearly touch. Look at how they react, when their focus turns to him —
It happens fast but he senses it coming. He feels it, not unlike the many times he's felt the energy around Takiishi abruptly shift. He knows that he is too close, a hindrance, and that the wing will punish him for it. He has been through this many, many times before, and just like the very first time, he revels in all the emotions that arise. He is afraid. He is exhilarated. He is enamored.
Every time Takiishi swings at Endo's face, Endo takes it. He does not move, nor dodge, nor cower. He does not lash out in turn. He allows himself to be downed, straddled, and punched again. It's dangerous. There have been times he thought he might die. And this is no different. He knows that this could be more final than falling off of scaffolding, more complete than a fist repeatedly hitting his face. This is real danger, and it is coming for him.
But Endo welcomes it. He uses the time he has to dodge to embrace it instead, opening his arms and awaiting what may be the final blow. Because it's worth it, to feel everything he feels. It's worth it, even if it means not waking up tomorrow, not returning home to —
Takiishi. ]
Fuck —
[ Is all that he manages to grunt out as, at the very last possible second, he attempts to dart away. Remembering Takiishi at their apartment, thinking about him living there alone, not paying bills, not immersing himself in everything he likes — it's like ice cold water dumped over his head. His reverie is broken, his eyes open, and his mind freed from an compulsion that would have killed him.
But he doesn't have time to think about it, because before he barely moves before he is unceremoniously crushed by the wing. Too little, too late.
He pulled far enough back to save his head and more than half his body, but the wing captures his arm and ribs. Pain sears through his side and he knows immediately that his arm is broken, a sensation he's never experienced before. The painful looseness that follows the impact is unmistakable. He doesn't cry out, he doesn't yell, but he groans and then breathes shallowly in the aftermath. It hurts. He feels like he can't get a true breath into his lungs. He still isn't sure he's going to make it out of this alive.
And yet, pressed against pavement, under the force of a wing, Endo laughs.
And laughs.
And looks up at the sky, thinks of the moon, and laughs again. ]
[Anger is the dominant emotion overtaking the motion and form of the wings, it's what's winning out over all the other feelings running rampant in Accelerator's brain. Normally he works hard at keeping them in check to prevent situations such as this. Normally he's in a coherent enough state of mind to know the kind of damage he can do if he just lets go.
But he can't stop himself this time. Everything hurts too much to try, and so his anger gets funnelled through his mind, his body, and into the wings.
As his head is still hanging it's via his peripheral vision that he witnesses Endo's reaction to the wing bearing down on him. The sight alone of it should be utterly terrifying to most people. To have it go one step further, for that thing that's so inhuman and otherworldly, to be directing its focus entirely on you? That should be disorienting. Nauseating. No reasonable person would want that kind of attention... so why the hell is Endo welcoming it?
Accelerator isn't sure the answer to that question. He doesn't move, making no attempt to stop what he knows will happen next.
There's a split second, right after the crunch of bone and the impact of Endo hitting the ground, where Accelerator freezes up and one thought enters his mind.
I killed him.
It wouldn't be the first time and realistically it wouldn't be the last, but his heart sinks regardless. He's been fighting tooth and nail against the latter ever since that Level 0 punched him out in Russia. You choose, he had told him; things like good and bad were just insignificant labels that didn't matter. Those things were just bullshit. What mattered was what it was his life, so what he decided to do or not do what his decision and no one else's. Last Order had said something important to him too, even before that. You don't have to do this anymore. Her small form and her smile as she repeats those words hang in his mind.
Laughter bubbles up a few feet away from him, and Accelerator's gaze darts over, bewildered. That wing still has him pinned, but... it didn't kill him? He's actually still alive? Injured, probably, since these wings are still massive forces and one of them is pressing him into the asphalt, but still aware enough to laugh about it. Unless this is just a hallucination, which is entirely possible, because what the hell kind of lunatic would be laughing right now? As his initial shock slowly begins to fade, that question stands out in his mind, through all the static, and he lifts his head properly.
He isn't dead. Endo isn't dead, which means he still has a choice. No matter what Endo has said, no matter what that bastard is feeling right now, and no matter what either of them think, in this instant he can choose not to be a monster. He can choose to be better. Accelerator inhales slowly, letting that realization wash over him. A strange, almost comforting feeling follows it.
A beat, and both wings dissipate harmlessly into the air, leaving only silence.]
[ It ends just in time — or it should feel that way, once Endo is spared from being crushed more thoroughly. But it's still too soon.
After Takiishi punched him for the first time, Endo looked for him — found his school, got himself transferred, and started following him around. He can't do that with a literal god — an entity attached to and yet somehow separate from the pathetic guy who started all of this. When the wings disappear, Endo is left in worse pain, the instantaneous disappearance of heavy pressure causing everything broken to jostle. Tears fill his eyes, a combination of the joy he just experienced and the sudden onslaught of fresh agony.
The pain doesn't take away from his pleasure but it presents a new problem, which is Accelerator himself, who likely won't be all too pleased with Endo's methods of breaking him down. He doesn't think Accelerator will have much in him after all that; he's already weak without his juiced up choker. But that doesn't mean Endo wants to lie around and wait for retaliation. He'll have to savor the moment later.
He tries to push himself into a sitting position. It's excruciating. Endo doesn't know what else is injured because all the pain blurs into one, as though he has a massive wound instead of multiple injuries. He hisses and even inadvertently makes a strangled sound as he finally makes it up. Standing will have to come after a break. ]
Haah, when Takii —
[ He starts, then stops himself, realizing he was going to run his mouth about things that Accelerator doesn't need to know. He's pretty sure he didn't hit his head, but it feels like there's a cloud over his mind. His thoughts feel sluggish.
During that aborted attempt to talk, he pats his pocket with considerable effort and hears clinking of glass and metal. His phone is trash. And thus he looks at Accelerator as though nothing at all has transpired between them and says: ]
Lemme see your phone.
[ While reaching out with his good arm, although it pulls on everything enough to make him wince. ]
[Closing his eyes, Accelerator lets his hands drop away from his hair and sucks in a deep breath. Then another, and another, and when he can feel the static starting to subside he opens them again. The pain from the punch is still present, but he can tolerate that compared to... well, everything else. Pain is nothing, it's fine. He's going to be fine. He screwed up today, yes, but he didn't step over a line he can't take back, and for someone like him that's still something.
Absently, he reaches up to gingerly wipe the blood from his nose. Okay, he's okay. He just needs to get his crutch, then he can leave. That strangled noise from Endo reaches his ears and makes him pause for a second, but that's just another indication that the guy is alive. His attention remains on his crutch, and after a few slow blinks to help settle his vision his gaze settles on it a few feet away, next to the streetlight. It's still in one piece, still sitting where Endo had tossed it.
He catches that half-sentence too, and ignores it. Just get his crutch, get his crutch because his choker is almost out of battery --
Accelerator stops when Endo speaks up again, and glances over, his eyes wide. He's baffled as he processes just what Endo said, the look on his face like it's not a big deal at all.]
... What?
[What the hell? Did he hear that right, or is he hallucinating some more like with that laughter?]
he's ridiculous lol. also tysm for letting me fully embrace endo's insanity
[ In an ideal situation, Endo would respond immediately, without missing a beat. But it turns out that getting crushed by a gigantic wing really saps the energy from a guy. He has to take a few shallow breaths to catch his breath and work through the immense amount of pain he's in before he can speak again.
This time his tone indicates that he Accelerator's question is stupid: ]
Your phone. Y'know, the device you make calls on.
[ He wiggles his fingers in Accelerator's direction, very gimme in vibe as he tries to catch his breath again. ]
Yeesh, you'd think —
[ If Accelerator assumes that whatever was about to come out of his mouth would have been highkey insulting, he's right. Fortunately for him, and unfortunately for Endo, that's too much talking at once; Endo ends up coughing, which causes him to go temporarily blind with agony. He closes his eyes tightly, seeing only bursts of color behind his eyelids and hearing only a roaring in his ears. This is accompanied by an outright moan of pain, something that Endo would usually suppress, but who the hell cares at this point?
Despite all of this, with his eyes still closed, he gestures more emphatically for the phone. ]
[Patience is something Accelerator has in spades right now, as the longer this silence is drawn out the more time he can give himself to recover, so he sits there quietly, watching Endo wheeze.
Okay... he isn't dead, but he also isn't looking great. Just because he's alive right now doesn't mean he isn't seriously injured. For all he knows Endo could have internal bleeding, or a punctured lung, or crushed organs. If any of those are the case then the work he put into calming down would be for nothing. It's selfish to think that way, he's aware, but it's better than being completely callous and ignoring the guy.
Even though he'd deserve it.]
...........
[Accelerator clicks his tongue softly, then shifts closer to his crutch so he can grab it and get it adjusted on his forearm. Once he's done that he extends it and carefully gets to his feet. His legs tremble with the effort, though he manages to stay standing, and once he's sure he isn't going to fall over he steps over to Endo. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he unlocks it before holding it out.]
He splits his movements into small steps, with a break in between each one. First, he takes the phone and simply holds it while he takes a slow, careful breath. Then he dials, which he messes up since he's working with one trembling hand, and dials again. Once more, he pauses to recover, briefly closing his eyes before he presses the call button and holds the phone up to his ear.
It rings, and rings, and rings.
He repeats each step again with the same result.
He should be grateful, he supposes, that Takiishi's phone isn't dead in a drawer somewhere. It's turned on, which means it should be sitting somewhere he'll check eventually. But if anyone's going to haul him to a hospital, he'd prefer it to be him, Takiishi's willingness notwithstanding. Calling Noroshi after everything they've gone through wouldn't be wise; morale can be a tricky thing, and seeing Endo in such a state after a few of them were brutalized might lead to friction in the long run.
He tries one last time. When it hits Takiishi's voicemail, with the automated voice on the other end suggesting he leave a message, Endo simply says: "I'll be home late tonight," and tries to sound normal about it. Then he ends the call. ]
Hang on.
[ He says this before Accelerator can make any demands about his phone; he needs to delete Takiishi's number from his history before giving it back. But when he tries to do that, the shaking of his hand worsens and he drops the phone. ]
Shit.
[ Now he realizes what's going on, with the sludge-like feeling in his brain and his unsteady motor control: his adrenaline has completely bottomed out. ]
Take it.
[ He means the phone, now on the ground, but he doesn't gesture toward it. ]
[The whole scene would look so pathetic to Accelerator if he hadn't been the one that caused it. He's expecting a call to some medical professional, at the very least someone from that gang to come retrieve him, and he's patient even when Endo tries calling whoever-this-is multiple times. As long as it means he's going to end up in a hospital then it doesn't matter, though he's conscious of the time ticking down for his choker battery.
There's just... there's nothing. No one picks up. He isn't sure what that means, if whoever he's trying to call is busy or if this is normal behaviour. Either way, it's incredibly irritating for two reasons. The first is that it means there's no one who is going to show up, and as Accelerator watches Endo's laboured movements it's abundantly clear he does need a hospital. The second is the sinking realization that because this is his fault, he's responsible if Endo's state deteriorates any further. Honestly, despite everything this bastard said, he's starting to feel guilty.
He can't just leave him here.
..... God, he really can't believe he's going to do this.
Accelerator carefully kneels down onto the ground so he can grab his phone and shove it into his back pocket, but he's also retracting his crutch so he has both hands free. One of them goes up to his choker, one finger resting on the switch, and the other gets abruptly placed against Endo's forehead. With an annoyed click of his tongue he switches back over to esper mode for several very important seconds, and even though he's still glaring it isn't really at anything in particular. He's too focused on all the vector data streaming into his brain.
He has less than thirty seconds to work with, so this is only going to be cursory glance and not a full mapping of the electrical signals from Endo's brain and spine to his internal organs. However, this should be enough time for him to roughly identify any major damage that might be life-threatening. While he's got a lot of experience with medical bullshit he doesn't have anything close to the knowledge needed to gauge how hurt he is just by judging external factors like his breathing and shaking. Those could just be from shock, or it could be something more serious, and he's already gone through the effort needed to not kill this asshole, so it'd be a huge pain if he went and died anyways.]
[ There are a lot of things that Accelerator could do after picking up his phone, the primary one being leave, with kicking Endo while he's down also being a viable second option. But turning his presumably dying choker on and then touching Endo's head? Not exactly on the list of things that Endo expects. He doesn't flinch when it happens though. If Accelerator is capable of listening to the outside world while doing whatever new magic trick he has up his sleeve, he'll hear him laugh under his breath, strained but amused.
Physically, he's very lucky. He's not nearly in as bad shape as he could be. His arm took the worst of it, as it's broken in a few places. It turns out his shoulder is also dislocated, something that Endo hadn't quite realized aside from all the pain — but that is responsible for the novel feeling he experienced while crushed under the wing. His ribs are fractured in a couple of places, but not so broken that they're poking holes in his lungs. Aside from plenty of bruising, there's no organ damage. His blood pressure is low, though that's to be expected with these injuries, so shock and his abrupt drop in adrenaline are both to blame for his lack of motor coordination. Ultimately, however, Endo has no injuries that require immediate care. Just care pretty soon. Or pain pills. He'd accept those too.
Everything hurts, of course, especially breathing, but that doesn't stop Endo from giving Accelerator a smile that sits firmly between teasing and mocking once he pulls his hand away. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
he's a complete menace but he only wants (1) thing in life....
Besides, it's more fun to hold the crutch just out of reach, allowing it to dangle loosely from his hand. ]
You don't spend a lot of time with other people, do you?
[ He's making an educated guess. Technically, Endo is supportive of the whole not-caring-about-other-people approach to life. It's his opinion that Takiishi's absolute lack of interest in anyone but himself is the key to his strength as a fighter. The difference is that Takiishi truly doesn't care — and doesn't even try to pretend otherwise. If he were in Accelerator's place, he would've swooped in, put everyone down for the count, and left. No monologues, no appeals, no bragging or inflated opinions. Accelerator's punch may have the capacity to be many times stronger than Takiishi's, but it will never hit as hard — because he's wrapped up in the drama of it all. He's stuck in the muck of his own ego.
There's nothing so devastating as being punched by someone with a blank look on his face. Nothing hurts more than being beaten into the ground by someone who truly doesn't care. Endo would know. He's been on the receiving end many times.
Truthfully, he doesn't give two shits about Accelerator either. All that excitement he felt wasn't for him specifically; it was the challenge that his false power provided. It was that choker. Accelerator might as well be a gnat; as soon as his juice is all gone, Endo could crush him with ease — but why would he bother, when he's so insignificant like this: barely standing and yet clutching desperately to a minimal amount of perceived power. ]
You're pretty bad at this, so I'm gonna help you out. You better shut up, and fast, because everything coming out of your mouth is only adding fuel to the fire that's about to consume you.
[ As always, he remains loose in body language, relaxed as he gives this lecture. ]
You beat the crap out of our own, which we're already pissed about, and you're going to say that was going easy on 'em? You chose to pick these last few fights, involving yourself in something that had nothing to do with you, and you're gonna say you don't give two shits? You stopped fighting because you ran out of strength, but you sure as hell didn't stop knowing that no one else was as strong as you. It was all fine when you were doing the overpowering, but it ain't cool if you're about to be overpowered.
[ Endo laughs. He finds Accelerator's lack of logic genuinely funny. The guy has absolutely nothing going for him without his choker. Endo's losing interest in the device on principle alone — what's the point of it, if it'll just make the wearer complacent and weak in the long run? Look at what it's done to him.
But hey. He can be a fair guy when he wants to be. He'll throw a bone, even though Accelerator can't seem to conceptualize the ways in which he's been unfair. ]
Give me one good reason to call them off, and I will.
[ He'll do it, too. But it has to be an actual reason, or an offering, or a deal that really wows him. Because otherwise it's only fair to give him exactly what he gave. ]
brb having Accy break Endo's arm so he can take him to the hospital
The easiest option would be to just crush everyone here. The next would be his plan to knock Endo out and leave. By far the hardest option for himself would be to try and talk his way out, and because of that he'd love to just dismiss the offer outright. Who wouldn't want to take the easy option when it's right there? But... it's the option that offers the least amount of violence, and what was it the Will of the Network had told him?
"You are the #1 monster, so isn’t the most comfortable thing for you easy conflict and easy violence followed by easy victory /escape?"
He's quiet as he listens to Endo, really listens to him. He isn't wrong about getting involved in something that wasn't his business -- he could've easily left the fighting alone, for better or for worse. By choosing to get involved, especially in the way that he did, that's on him. The consequences of that choice are on him, not anyone else.
“Struggle for someone’s sake /return. Struggle in the way that is truly hardest for you /return."
So whether or not he responds to this using violence, that's his choice too. And those consequences are on him as well.
"And if you take the easy road out and became a monster, I will throw you into a hell several sizes larger than you are imagining /return.”
Goddamnit.
He claps a hand to his forehead and sighs heavily. Shockingly, he doesn't make the slightest attempt at arguing.]
You're right. I'm not good at this. I'm the last person who should be telling anyone what to do.
[Ugh, he wishes that Level 0 was around. He's so much better at talking to people, he has actual friends. Chances are if he was here there'd still be a fight, but Accelerator is utterly confident in his ability to somehow de-escalate situations through violence where no one gets permanently hurt and everyone gets a happy ending. He isn't like that. Like the Will had told him, he struggles.]
... If you seriously think that I'm powerless just because this thing - [He jabs a finger at his choker] - is running low on battery, you're dead wrong.
[There's no point in trying to hide it. Given the subject matter - his strength - it's clear to anyone with eyes that the two are intrinsically tied together. He still isn't sure why his doctor added that stupid light to the choker, but he has to just deal with it. Besides, his brain injury and just about everything that goes along with it are common knowledge back home. This isn't the first time he's had to talk about it to an opponent, and that softens the blow.]
I'm not. The problem is, as far as I can see, you're just a bunch of delinquents. None of you deserve to die, not even that masochist, as much as he might beg for it. If you walk away right now, the most anyone's gonna have is some bruises, maybe a sprain or two, and a killer headache in the morning. You'll gonna walk away in one piece. But if you don't, the probability that someone will die is gonna skyrocket. I'm not exaggerating, and I'm not gonna put any blame on whoever gets killed. It'll be my fault and only my fault for not being more careful, but that's just the reality of it.
[He isn't sure. He really isn't sure. His wings don't require any calculation effort on his part, meaning the device can be in normal mode or powered down and they can still manifest -- and that's the problem. Those things require a certain mindset, and he's uncertain he'll get to that point. There's a chance he won't. But if he does and those things come out, and he doesn't have the presence of mind to contain the damage that they can do --
It would be bad. Unpleasant memories of crushing Kihara, tearing up the Russian countryside, nearly ripping apart law enforcement back in the city flash through his head. Shifting some more, he slumps with his back against the streetlight and drags his hand down his face.]
I messed up. I should've given more thought to whether or not I should get involved. And since I did, I should've just knocked everyone out in the first few minutes instead of screwing around. [Instead of having fun. Very rude of him to do that.]
he should break it bc it's what endo deserves for being Like This after that genuine effort
He was angling for something like a bribe, or information, or anything, really, that wasn't a weird self-depreciating yet still egotistical acceptance of his chiding. Yeah, he pointed out Accelerator's flaws and lack of logic, but it wasn't to get him to renege on his actions. These negotiations usually end in full-on groveling, frantically rambled bank account numbers, or juicy pieces of knowledge that will benefit Endo in the long run.
The longer Accelerator speaks, the more Endo looks at him like he's the unhinged one in this interaction. At the end, he motions at Noroshi, sending them on their way, but it's not because he's giving in to the guy's monologue. If he really gets into the thick of it, that's not even a true acceptance of his lecture, since he's still on the I'm-gonna-kill-you kick, only softened.
It's not that he doesn't believe Accelerator. He's seen enough of what he can do to take his warnings seriously, even if he's still going to laugh in the face of them. Which he does. He laughs, again. ]
You got it wrong, man. What you did was great. It helped me kill some time and have a little fun. All fights should be chaotic, otherwise they'd get stale. It's kind of a buzzkiller that you're going back on all that.
[ He abruptly becomes very serious — some would even say scarily so: ]
It's your attitude. You're pathetic underneath all that power, and everything that comes out of your mouth makes it worse.
[ But he transitions away from that easily, brightening a little too quickly thereafter. ]
Alright! I've got a deal for you. Let me punch you. Just once, no barrier. Then I'll give you your crutch and let you go back where you came from.
oho we could do that!! either via reflection or Accy's black wings
He isn't good at speaking. He isn't charismatic, he's never been and he has no idea how other people can manage something like that. Being honest seemed like the most difficult option for him, the riskiest but also the one that would result in the least amount of bloodshed, and he was fully expecting it to fail. But they're leaving, they're going who-knows-where and that means those kids, at least, don't stand a chance of being killed today.
Accelerator is grateful for that and glances back over at Endo. He isn't leaving. That's okay. This is better than he hoped. He doesn't bat an eye at being called pathetic (self-loathing is a bitch), instead making some mental notes about Endo. This is giving him some interesting insight on the guy, stuff to think about later. Strange how this is the only time he's seen him be serious. That change is shut on and off like a light switch, and it's a little unsettling.
But more importantly --
Just one punch? That's it? Accelerator stares back, shocked that he's getting off so easily. One punch even without his reflection is okay, he can handle that. It's hardly comparable to some of the things he did to Endo's subordinates. It doesn't take him any time to consider the offer, with the shock on his face fading he gives a firm nod.]
Okay. Fine.
[He pushes away from the streetlight, legs still trembling, so that the pole is no longer behind him. It would suck for this to be a punch to the face and his head got bashed into the metal -- he doesn't want another brain injury. Moving so it's next to him, he rests a hand against it so he still has a bit of support.]
One punch.
let's do it! endo deserves to be humbled a little and that prob won't happen with anyone else
[ He tosses the crutch over to where Accelerator was leaning against the streetlight before he moved to the side, essentially handing it over ahead of time, overly confident that this guy is going to be true to his word. He seemed pretty earnest in that terrible speech of his, and despite his many shortcomings, he does seem to operate on some kind of moral scale. Endo's also confident that if he does go back on his word, this won't be the end of this little situation of theirs. His strengths don't end with fighting.
But! No need to worry about that now. Once the crutch is out of his hands, he closes the gap between himself and Accelerator at that same lazy pace as before.
He does indeed intend for this to be a punch to the face, and he also believes that Accelerator will underestimate the force of it. He put on a show of being shoddy at fighting, so there's no reason for him to believe that this punch is really going to hurt. That's why Endo's looking at this like a twofold gotcha: making it clear he's actually good at fighting, while also humbling him a little once his shield is down.
He knows that it's still just a punch, no matter how much power he puts into it. He isn't doing the damage that Accelerator is capable of; but this isn't about revenge. Contrary to what many think, he doesn't care about petty matters like that.
He raises his fist up high and takes his time in winding up correctly — from the base of his stance, his core, his arms, all the way into his fist. He puts full momentum into the punch, and when he drives his fist down, he does so quickly, intending the impact to be both fast and incredibly hard. It's a finisher move, though there's nothing to finish — except for Accelerator's ego. ]
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Endo steps closer and Accelerator can feel his heart rate speed up, something he's chalking up to him having to ignore his fight-or-flight reflex that's surging in response to the violence that's bearing down on him. He remains still, having absolutely no intention of backing down or fighting back, staring up at Endo passively as he winds up.
Pain explodes through his face and the force of the punch is enough to send him flying. It's no surprise, given he needs the crutch to stand and otherwise doesn't have much in the way of muscle. He hits the ground hard with a grunt, and lays there still for several moments as his head spins.
Then, slowly, he reaches a hand up to tentatively touch his nose. Another bout of pain causes him to wince, and when he pulls his hand away he can see blood. Honestly, it's a miracle his nose isn't broken from that hit. It could've gone way worse, so even though seeing his own blood is a rare sight he doesn't look put off by it. Actually, amidst the grimace on his face is something more akin to thoughtfulness.
This reminds him of another fight. One that had gone poorly for him, and better for everyone else involved. This punch hit him far, far harder than the one from that Level 0 (unbeknownst to Accelerator, Kamijou had been sticking to light jabs the entire time to remain agile) but he still remembers that first punch, the shock of it and the shock of doing the same motion to realize that, for the first time in his life, he had a bloody nose. Up until then all the blood he had encountered had been from his opponents, mainly from the Sisters.
Their crushed and dismembered bodies flash through his mind as he keeps staring down at his hand.
Right now, he only feels like this was deserved.]
.... Hah.
[Shakily, he pushes himself up onto his free hand. He guesses this means Endo isn't as bad a fighter as he had previously thought, though in his brain he's still absolutely nothing compared to that Level 0.]
That was it, huh?
[He winces again. Oof, talking hurts.]
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So to put all his speed and strength into a punch — to feel the impact on his knuckles, the way a face both resists and caves as he pushes further into it — is a rare treat. Arguably, it's a little overkill, since Accelerator is nothing without his choker's boosts, but Endo would be lying if he said that he derived no enjoyment from watching him fall with the momentum of his punch just to rise newly bloody.
Accelerator's commentary is laughable...so Endo laughs. ]
I'd give you more, but we both know the only way you're taking a second punch is if —
[ He taps his neck, pretending to have a choker of his own in lieu of finishing the statement. Then he seamlessly transitions to adding: ]
You're kinda desperate to prove yourself, aren't ya? All that fake power that makes you feel like you're strong enough to be a good person, but take that away and it's obvious you just wanna feel better about yourself. Look at your face. Look at where you are. Look at what's left. You're clinging to your ego because there's nothing else. If you strip it away, what do you have? Just pain you're feeling right now, with nothing to make it stop.
[ Shit at fighting, shit at taking a punch, shit at saving the day. What did he even accomplish here, aside from hurting a few people? The fighting only stopped because Endo let it. Noroshi walked away (mostly) whole. ]
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[Accelerator doesn't argue against that claim. Yeah, even if the punch didn't feel the same as that Level 0's, chances are good a second one would knock him out. In order to stand a chance against any kind of follow-up attack he'd need his reflection, and with under a minute left using it isn't a good idea.
He remains quiet as Endo continues rambling. If it was possible for him to block him out he would, but as it is those words pierce his mind and dig in. They're like fish hooks, embedding themselves deep enough that the holes they're tearing in his psyche are releasing a familiar buzzing, a static that makes his head ache.
He knows all of this. Of course he does. Being a good person - hell, even being a normal person - is completely beyond him at this point. He'd been a monster for years and years, and now he's struggling to stay one step above that, in some pitiful limbo where he's still too terrible to ever be good, but too scared to go back to being fully bad. And being in that place leads to incidents like this one, where his attempt to stop a mass fight only resulted in him being violent.
Still, Endo doesn't need to shove it in his face. Regardless of how true it is, it hurts to hear. Not looking up from his bloody hand, Accelerator croaks out a response.]
... Shut up.
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Endo's always been good at that, though it's rare that he applies it so thickly. Usually, he gets into someone's head just enough to cause a few screw ups and then claims victory. Truly invading someone's mind and breaking them down takes a lot of effort that's pointless, since he's capable of cinching a fight with half that amount of work. He only goes that far if there's something he really wants.
In this situation, continuing to push Accelerator is overkill, just like his punch. He doesn't actually want anything from him, and he isn't the kind of guy to hold a grudge just because Accelerator smacked Noroshi around. A lot of what's transpired between them is inconsequential, and the choker has lost its appeal at this point. Though Endo is still curious, and wouldn't mind getting his hands on it, it isn't as much of a motivating factor as it was before, and it isn't the driving point behind his verbal barrage. Ultimately, Accelerator is like the majority of the guys that Endo has fought over time — not worth much more than an insult or two. Endo has no feelings for him at all — not hatred, and not infatuation.
But hey — he deserves to have a little fun sometimes, and Accelerator deserves a little wake-up call, so if he wants to pass the time by demonstrating that being formidable is a hell of a lot more than just swinging around fake strength, then why the hell not? It'll make Accelerator think twice about meandering his way to this territory again, in case he gets any big ideas now that he more or less knows Noroshi's haunts.
Hence, as soon as he's told to shut up, Endo's eyes go a little wide — a little feverish as that break in Accelerator's armor widens. Those two words are all Endo needs to know that he's right on the mark, and he can't help the exhilaration that follows. Like a predator closing in on making a kill, his body moves loosely but with an underlying tension that vibrates with a need for release.
He takes a step forward. ]
Why? So you can pretend it isn't true? So you can get that choker working right again, put up that fancy barrier, and act you can't be touched? Pretend that's who you really are? Someone strong. Someone good. Someone who can make a difference outside so you feel different inside?
[ He another step closer. He hasn't forgotten Accelerator's warning, so he's careful not to put too much physical pressure on him, but using his presence is also important. ]
It doesn't work that way. I see the raw, desperate truth inside of you. And you hate it, don't you? Because that's the real you.
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One unfortunate reality of espers is the prevalence of mental instability. The process involved in creating them requires the deliberate disassociation of the mind from reality, and the stronger the esper, the stronger the split. Beyond that is the experimentation, scientists often treating the espers as guinea pigs.
When it comes to the #1 Level 5 beating him through physical force is nigh impossible, and preying on his mental state has always been far more effective. Endo is far from the first person to take advantage of this weak point, and there's a part of Accelerator's brain screaming at him to just ignore the guy, but he can't. He isn't wrong, he isn't wrong, and that means if he ignores him then he's just burying himself in a completely absurd amount of denial. He refuses to do that. He doesn't deserve that.
The static in his head is getting louder, just not loud enough to drown out Endo as he keeps going. His shoulders tremble and he finally drags his gaze up, stiffening when he sees Endo has gotten closer. The distinct fear and desperation of feeling like a cornered animal crosses his mind. If he had even a minute of battery left he'd be using it right now -- as it is his bloodied hand twitches with the urge to move to his neck.]
I said shut up.
[It's a pitiful counter and he knows it's totally pointless, but those words are tumbling out of his mouth anyways before he can stop them.]
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He doesn't see it, not yet, but the potential is there, and it makes Endo's heart race. The smile on his face is anything but measured — it enters a state of fervor that is disproportionate to the situation as a whole, especially since he hasn't touched Accelerator since the punch. Wild is the only way to describe his eyes, his eagerness, the way everything else takes a backseat to the growing roar within his mind.
Up until this very moment, he hadn't wanted Accelerator — not to have, hold, possess, or slot into some made-up spot within Noroshi. But if he snaps him the way he would a twig beneath his shoe, then maybe — maybe he will reach out and touch that choker, his neck, the expanse of skin that's so covered — and watch as that those eyes widen, and see only him.
It's easy now; something fragile has already begun to bend. All Endo needs to do is add a final piece of pressure, small but heavy enough to shatter. If only he could reach out and set his hand against Accelerator's throat, to seek his pulse, to feel each breath move in and out, close to stilling.
He found something good in this whim of a meeting. Now he needs to destroy it so he can shape it into something beautiful. ]
You're not even a person. You're nothing.
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He's known he was a monster for a long, long time. There were points in his life where he tried to prove otherwise, but they never lasted and he always returned to being a monster. He always sank back down into the mud. That's how it is right now, he's just sinking and sinking and sinking --
People can be monsters. He's known loads of them, mainly scientists, sometimes kids like himself, but none of them ever reached the same level of demonic as him. None of them willingly drowned themselves in as much innocent as he has. He's unique in the worst way possible, and it leaves him feeling like something viscerally familiar to him - a chewed up, mangled carcass - but it's true.
Accelerator stares up at Endo, the fear draining out of him, leaving his expression desperate. His vision starts to blur and the static in his head gets louder. Endo is right in one sense and wrong in another. He isn't a person, but he isn't nothing. He doesn't want to be a monster, but he is one and there isn't anything he can do about it.
There's a change in the air pressure immediately surrounding them, moments before a resounding boom causes the windows in the buildings around them to shudder. A jet black substance suddenly explodes out of Accelerator's back, spraying dozens of meters into the air in the form of two long, dark wings. Looming high above the two of them the wings start to distort and bend, scraping against nearby buildings and shattering glass, the darkness they're made of swallowing up any light that reaches them. Accelerator trembles, still staring at Endo, almost as if he doesn't even notice what's going on behind him.
This isn't the first time these things have manifested themselves, and every single time they've come out they've been nearly impossible to control. Right now is no different. There's another bursting noise as the wings start to intertwine with each other, tearing at each other like animals desperately trying to rip each other apart.]
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He's only felt this way once in his life, years ago, when he looked up at some scaffolding and saw a boy his age covered in blood, shining in the moonlight. He reached out to touch him and got burned, and for the first time in his life, he felt everything he hadn't before: fear. excitement. anxiety. utter joy.
That's what he experiences when he looks upon this, the result of his work. He no longer has eyes for Accelerator, the weak and fragile nonentity, but what he has become: a monster, one that Endo would never seek to tame, but would carry throughout the world to watch it bring about the end.
Only, the wings are not on fire; they do not burn. They are dark and cold — a manifestation of emptiness. They lash out as though they herald despair. Nothing will be ash when they recede, because all that will be left is a void.
Over the years, Endo has reached out and been burned, and reached out again, and again, and again. Every time, Takiishi ignored him, punched him, burned him, and Endo still reached. He still reaches. This is no different. He recognizes the danger; he's drawn to it. He will touch it, and it will bore through him, and Endo will call for it again. Because what he does, as he watches the wings entangle with each other, as he hears each resounding burst of violence, is feel.
Staring at the wings, he murmurs: ]
You are...
[ And stupidly, happily, takes a step forward. ]
...a god.
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Oh. This has happened before. A few times, and during most of them there was someone there to talk him down. Last Order, or that Level 0. They aren't here now, it's only him and Endo, and that's worse than being alone. At least if he was alone all that would be driving him would be his own self-loathing.
Accelerator drops his head, curls in on himself and gripping his hair. His breathing is coming in harsh, short bursts.]
I'm -- I'm not -- .... [A god? Nothing? He doesn't finish his thought, he can't. Endo swerving from calling him nothing to a god only brings up bad memories, in turn causing his wings to grow more frenzied. He can't be a god, he deliberately walked away from that path when he abandoned the Level 6 Shift Experiment, leaving a mountain of bodies in his wake.
Being a god meant a second mountain, another ten thousand corpses bloodying his hands. More dead Sisters. A dead Last Order. As much of a monster as he is, he could never accept that, and even the thought of it causes him to shudder before he vehemently shakes his head.]
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Shut up.
[ How can a person be so beautiful and simultaneously so wretched? He doesn't want to think about that now, but if Accelerator hears Endo murmur something about an awakening, he wouldn't be imagining things. Endo will think about how exactly he'll need to break Accelerator down (again) so he can be the god that he is clearly meant to be — later, after this moment has receded. Right now, he wants to stand too close to darkness and feel it pass through him.
But he does think to himself, as those wings thrash with increasing abandon, that he has decided he wants Accelerator to be his. His to train, his to wield, his to shape.
He will have him.
He takes another step, putting himself beside Accelerator, rather than in front of him. He has had enough of being studied. He's tired of experiencing the dichotomy between true power and the worthlessness of Accelerator's comments. ]
You know what you are.
[ Powerful, fearsome, uncontained —
and irresistible.
He reaches out. ]
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That's right. He knows what he is. Endo isn't dragging it out of him, he's just doing a damn good job of confirming the thing that he became all on his own.
He isn't a god, and he isn't nothing. He's a monster, and as he sinks further and further into his acceptance of this he has to wonder what the hell he's even doing. What is it monsters do best, after all? They destroy.
Buried amidst all the pain and self-loathing is anger, and as Accelerator gives up it explodes out of him.
Endo reaches out and the wings shift, going from a vibrating, formless darkness to something sharpened. They almost resemble feathers, though the detail isn't there and they still undulate unnaturally, as if holding any kind of shape won't last for very long. Then, in a moment of sudden direction, one twists away from the other and plunges downwards, directly at him.]
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It happens fast but he senses it coming. He feels it, not unlike the many times he's felt the energy around Takiishi abruptly shift. He knows that he is too close, a hindrance, and that the wing will punish him for it. He has been through this many, many times before, and just like the very first time, he revels in all the emotions that arise. He is afraid. He is exhilarated. He is enamored.
Every time Takiishi swings at Endo's face, Endo takes it. He does not move, nor dodge, nor cower. He does not lash out in turn. He allows himself to be downed, straddled, and punched again. It's dangerous. There have been times he thought he might die. And this is no different. He knows that this could be more final than falling off of scaffolding, more complete than a fist repeatedly hitting his face. This is real danger, and it is coming for him.
But Endo welcomes it. He uses the time he has to dodge to embrace it instead, opening his arms and awaiting what may be the final blow. Because it's worth it, to feel everything he feels. It's worth it, even if it means not waking up tomorrow, not returning home to —
Takiishi. ]
Fuck —
[ Is all that he manages to grunt out as, at the very last possible second, he attempts to dart away. Remembering Takiishi at their apartment, thinking about him living there alone, not paying bills, not immersing himself in everything he likes — it's like ice cold water dumped over his head. His reverie is broken, his eyes open, and his mind freed from an compulsion that would have killed him.
But he doesn't have time to think about it, because before he barely moves before he is unceremoniously crushed by the wing. Too little, too late.
He pulled far enough back to save his head and more than half his body, but the wing captures his arm and ribs. Pain sears through his side and he knows immediately that his arm is broken, a sensation he's never experienced before. The painful looseness that follows the impact is unmistakable. He doesn't cry out, he doesn't yell, but he groans and then breathes shallowly in the aftermath. It hurts. He feels like he can't get a true breath into his lungs. He still isn't sure he's going to make it out of this alive.
And yet, pressed against pavement, under the force of a wing, Endo laughs.
And laughs.
And looks up at the sky, thinks of the moon, and laughs again. ]
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But he can't stop himself this time. Everything hurts too much to try, and so his anger gets funnelled through his mind, his body, and into the wings.
As his head is still hanging it's via his peripheral vision that he witnesses Endo's reaction to the wing bearing down on him. The sight alone of it should be utterly terrifying to most people. To have it go one step further, for that thing that's so inhuman and otherworldly, to be directing its focus entirely on you? That should be disorienting. Nauseating. No reasonable person would want that kind of attention... so why the hell is Endo welcoming it?
Accelerator isn't sure the answer to that question. He doesn't move, making no attempt to stop what he knows will happen next.
There's a split second, right after the crunch of bone and the impact of Endo hitting the ground, where Accelerator freezes up and one thought enters his mind.
I killed him.
It wouldn't be the first time and realistically it wouldn't be the last, but his heart sinks regardless. He's been fighting tooth and nail against the latter ever since that Level 0 punched him out in Russia. You choose, he had told him; things like good and bad were just insignificant labels that didn't matter. Those things were just bullshit. What mattered was what it was his life, so what he decided to do or not do what his decision and no one else's. Last Order had said something important to him too, even before that. You don't have to do this anymore. Her small form and her smile as she repeats those words hang in his mind.
Laughter bubbles up a few feet away from him, and Accelerator's gaze darts over, bewildered. That wing still has him pinned, but... it didn't kill him? He's actually still alive? Injured, probably, since these wings are still massive forces and one of them is pressing him into the asphalt, but still aware enough to laugh about it. Unless this is just a hallucination, which is entirely possible, because what the hell kind of lunatic would be laughing right now? As his initial shock slowly begins to fade, that question stands out in his mind, through all the static, and he lifts his head properly.
He isn't dead. Endo isn't dead, which means he still has a choice. No matter what Endo has said, no matter what that bastard is feeling right now, and no matter what either of them think, in this instant he can choose not to be a monster. He can choose to be better. Accelerator inhales slowly, letting that realization wash over him. A strange, almost comforting feeling follows it.
A beat, and both wings dissipate harmlessly into the air, leaving only silence.]
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After Takiishi punched him for the first time, Endo looked for him — found his school, got himself transferred, and started following him around. He can't do that with a literal god — an entity attached to and yet somehow separate from the pathetic guy who started all of this. When the wings disappear, Endo is left in worse pain, the instantaneous disappearance of heavy pressure causing everything broken to jostle. Tears fill his eyes, a combination of the joy he just experienced and the sudden onslaught of fresh agony.
The pain doesn't take away from his pleasure but it presents a new problem, which is Accelerator himself, who likely won't be all too pleased with Endo's methods of breaking him down. He doesn't think Accelerator will have much in him after all that; he's already weak without his juiced up choker. But that doesn't mean Endo wants to lie around and wait for retaliation. He'll have to savor the moment later.
He tries to push himself into a sitting position. It's excruciating. Endo doesn't know what else is injured because all the pain blurs into one, as though he has a massive wound instead of multiple injuries. He hisses and even inadvertently makes a strangled sound as he finally makes it up. Standing will have to come after a break. ]
Haah, when Takii —
[ He starts, then stops himself, realizing he was going to run his mouth about things that Accelerator doesn't need to know. He's pretty sure he didn't hit his head, but it feels like there's a cloud over his mind. His thoughts feel sluggish.
During that aborted attempt to talk, he pats his pocket with considerable effort and hears clinking of glass and metal. His phone is trash. And thus he looks at Accelerator as though nothing at all has transpired between them and says: ]
Lemme see your phone.
[ While reaching out with his good arm, although it pulls on everything enough to make him wince. ]
I loled
Absently, he reaches up to gingerly wipe the blood from his nose. Okay, he's okay. He just needs to get his crutch, then he can leave. That strangled noise from Endo reaches his ears and makes him pause for a second, but that's just another indication that the guy is alive. His attention remains on his crutch, and after a few slow blinks to help settle his vision his gaze settles on it a few feet away, next to the streetlight. It's still in one piece, still sitting where Endo had tossed it.
He catches that half-sentence too, and ignores it. Just get his crutch, get his crutch because his choker is almost out of battery --
Accelerator stops when Endo speaks up again, and glances over, his eyes wide. He's baffled as he processes just what Endo said, the look on his face like it's not a big deal at all.]
... What?
[What the hell? Did he hear that right, or is he hallucinating some more like with that laughter?]
he's ridiculous lol. also tysm for letting me fully embrace endo's insanity
This time his tone indicates that he Accelerator's question is stupid: ]
Your phone. Y'know, the device you make calls on.
[ He wiggles his fingers in Accelerator's direction, very gimme in vibe as he tries to catch his breath again. ]
Yeesh, you'd think —
[ If Accelerator assumes that whatever was about to come out of his mouth would have been highkey insulting, he's right. Fortunately for him, and unfortunately for Endo, that's too much talking at once; Endo ends up coughing, which causes him to go temporarily blind with agony. He closes his eyes tightly, seeing only bursts of color behind his eyelids and hearing only a roaring in his ears. This is accompanied by an outright moan of pain, something that Endo would usually suppress, but who the hell cares at this point?
Despite all of this, with his eyes still closed, he gestures more emphatically for the phone. ]
Endo should always be living his best toxic life
Okay... he isn't dead, but he also isn't looking great. Just because he's alive right now doesn't mean he isn't seriously injured. For all he knows Endo could have internal bleeding, or a punctured lung, or crushed organs. If any of those are the case then the work he put into calming down would be for nothing. It's selfish to think that way, he's aware, but it's better than being completely callous and ignoring the guy.
Even though he'd deserve it.]
...........
[Accelerator clicks his tongue softly, then shifts closer to his crutch so he can grab it and get it adjusted on his forearm. Once he's done that he extends it and carefully gets to his feet. His legs tremble with the effort, though he manages to stay standing, and once he's sure he isn't going to fall over he steps over to Endo. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he unlocks it before holding it out.]
You'd better be calling a fucking doctor.
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He splits his movements into small steps, with a break in between each one. First, he takes the phone and simply holds it while he takes a slow, careful breath. Then he dials, which he messes up since he's working with one trembling hand, and dials again. Once more, he pauses to recover, briefly closing his eyes before he presses the call button and holds the phone up to his ear.
It rings, and rings, and rings.
He repeats each step again with the same result.
He should be grateful, he supposes, that Takiishi's phone isn't dead in a drawer somewhere. It's turned on, which means it should be sitting somewhere he'll check eventually. But if anyone's going to haul him to a hospital, he'd prefer it to be him, Takiishi's willingness notwithstanding. Calling Noroshi after everything they've gone through wouldn't be wise; morale can be a tricky thing, and seeing Endo in such a state after a few of them were brutalized might lead to friction in the long run.
He tries one last time. When it hits Takiishi's voicemail, with the automated voice on the other end suggesting he leave a message, Endo simply says: "I'll be home late tonight," and tries to sound normal about it. Then he ends the call. ]
Hang on.
[ He says this before Accelerator can make any demands about his phone; he needs to delete Takiishi's number from his history before giving it back. But when he tries to do that, the shaking of his hand worsens and he drops the phone. ]
Shit.
[ Now he realizes what's going on, with the sludge-like feeling in his brain and his unsteady motor control: his adrenaline has completely bottomed out. ]
Take it.
[ He means the phone, now on the ground, but he doesn't gesture toward it. ]
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There's just... there's nothing. No one picks up. He isn't sure what that means, if whoever he's trying to call is busy or if this is normal behaviour. Either way, it's incredibly irritating for two reasons. The first is that it means there's no one who is going to show up, and as Accelerator watches Endo's laboured movements it's abundantly clear he does need a hospital. The second is the sinking realization that because this is his fault, he's responsible if Endo's state deteriorates any further. Honestly, despite everything this bastard said, he's starting to feel guilty.
He can't just leave him here.
..... God, he really can't believe he's going to do this.
Accelerator carefully kneels down onto the ground so he can grab his phone and shove it into his back pocket, but he's also retracting his crutch so he has both hands free. One of them goes up to his choker, one finger resting on the switch, and the other gets abruptly placed against Endo's forehead. With an annoyed click of his tongue he switches back over to esper mode for several very important seconds, and even though he's still glaring it isn't really at anything in particular. He's too focused on all the vector data streaming into his brain.
He has less than thirty seconds to work with, so this is only going to be cursory glance and not a full mapping of the electrical signals from Endo's brain and spine to his internal organs. However, this should be enough time for him to roughly identify any major damage that might be life-threatening. While he's got a lot of experience with medical bullshit he doesn't have anything close to the knowledge needed to gauge how hurt he is just by judging external factors like his breathing and shaking. Those could just be from shock, or it could be something more serious, and he's already gone through the effort needed to not kill this asshole, so it'd be a huge pain if he went and died anyways.]
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Physically, he's very lucky. He's not nearly in as bad shape as he could be. His arm took the worst of it, as it's broken in a few places. It turns out his shoulder is also dislocated, something that Endo hadn't quite realized aside from all the pain — but that is responsible for the novel feeling he experienced while crushed under the wing. His ribs are fractured in a couple of places, but not so broken that they're poking holes in his lungs. Aside from plenty of bruising, there's no organ damage. His blood pressure is low, though that's to be expected with these injuries, so shock and his abrupt drop in adrenaline are both to blame for his lack of motor coordination. Ultimately, however, Endo has no injuries that require immediate care. Just care pretty soon. Or pain pills. He'd accept those too.
Everything hurts, of course, especially breathing, but that doesn't stop Endo from giving Accelerator a smile that sits firmly between teasing and mocking once he pulls his hand away. ]
Worried about me?
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accelerator is so cute lol
they're both doofuses omg
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