[ Now it's Endo's turn to be a little confused. He never said it, but he didn't necessarily hide it, either. He wasn't trying to keep a secret, not before all of this. If at any point Takiishi had asked or showed curiosity he would've explained.
It's true he didn't make it obvious, either, but how would that have felt, if Endo were dropping to his knees or asking for things that Takiishi wouldn't give? How would Takiishi feel, with that burden of knowledge as a pressure that might hold him down? What if Takiishi decided he was tired of him for good, knowing that Endo's needs would only get in the way?
Still it isn't Takiishi job to show an interest. He doesn't need to think any which way about Endo, and Endo didn't want to force his hand. He also truly didn't think it mattered to Takiishi.
Even though Takiishi made that statement, Endo still isn't sure it matters now.
But he feels more guilt regardless. Because any way you look at it, it's still his fuckup. Multiple fuckups.
Yes. I don't want to be in the dark about everything with you.
[They live together. Their lives are entwined. Even if Takiishi is a null signal on D/s dynamics himself, it would have made things make sense more, to know.]
[ He's caught off guard again, because he had no idea. Takiishi hasn't made it seem like he's interested. And Endo thought he was sparing him by not saying anything at all.
But instead of explaining this, Endo smiles at him — one of those smiles he uses whenever Takiishi says something that gets to him a little. ]
[ Endo also happens to be in the mood for a comedy, given all that's transpired. He grabs the remote and sits on the far end of the couch, leaving Takiishi plenty of space. He scrolls through some options until he finds one they've never seen that looks and sounds perfectly mediocre — the perfect kind of movie to watch when distracted by thinking and processing through events. ]
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It's true he didn't make it obvious, either, but how would that have felt, if Endo were dropping to his knees or asking for things that Takiishi wouldn't give? How would Takiishi feel, with that burden of knowledge as a pressure that might hold him down? What if Takiishi decided he was tired of him for good, knowing that Endo's needs would only get in the way?
Still it isn't Takiishi job to show an interest. He doesn't need to think any which way about Endo, and Endo didn't want to force his hand. He also truly didn't think it mattered to Takiishi.
Even though Takiishi made that statement, Endo still isn't sure it matters now.
But he feels more guilt regardless. Because any way you look at it, it's still his fuckup. Multiple fuckups.
Quietly: ]
Did you want to know?
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[They live together. Their lives are entwined. Even if Takiishi is a null signal on D/s dynamics himself, it would have made things make sense more, to know.]
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[ He's caught off guard again, because he had no idea. Takiishi hasn't made it seem like he's interested. And Endo thought he was sparing him by not saying anything at all.
But instead of explaining this, Endo smiles at him — one of those smiles he uses whenever Takiishi says something that gets to him a little. ]
Sorry. I messed up. I'll do better.
[ And he means it. ]
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[He knows Endo means it when he says that.]
I think I'm home for the rest of the day. You?
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[ Or texting anyone. Or having anyone come over. He's tired. He's glad Takiishi is home, even if this turned out to be a mess. ]
Wanna watch something?
[ But he still doesn't exactly feel like being alone. ]
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[He's going to move over to the couch and flop, though he's still thinking. A lot.]
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[ Endo also happens to be in the mood for a comedy, given all that's transpired. He grabs the remote and sits on the far end of the couch, leaving Takiishi plenty of space. He scrolls through some options until he finds one they've never seen that looks and sounds perfectly mediocre — the perfect kind of movie to watch when distracted by thinking and processing through events. ]
What about this?