[ This reminder of their reality is necessary. Endo's caught up in the moment, in his own semi-confession, so he isn't thinking about much else. That's the point of these sessions — or part of the point. It's not that he doesn't want to think about Takiishi — he still reveres him, still devotes himself to him. Rather, tonight was about a break. A temporary seclusion from everything else — a means of preventing himself from thinking about the rest. But Umemiya is right in his implication. Endo would be devastated to have Takiishi come home to this, no matter how little Takiishi would care. It would feel like a double betrayal — because Takiishi likes Umemiya.
Logically, Umemiya enforcing boundaries is a good thing. So there's nothing logical in the way those words sting. Especially because, as Endo finally looks away from Umemiya, studying the ceiling instead of his face, he can't decide what bothers him most. If it's the fact that Umemiya is holding back, at a time when Endo needs — something; if it's the reminder that Takiishi wouldn't do this for him, regardless of whether he walked in on it or not. Or maybe Endo feels somewhat exposed for having said it at all. He's fucked plenty of women; he's gotten kinky in all sorts of ways. But this is different — personal. It's something he's always wanted from someone else.
Abruptly: ]
I wanna clean up.
[ His pants are cold and wet, something that didn't matter before but now stands out as too uncomfortable. ]
no subject
Logically, Umemiya enforcing boundaries is a good thing. So there's nothing logical in the way those words sting. Especially because, as Endo finally looks away from Umemiya, studying the ceiling instead of his face, he can't decide what bothers him most. If it's the fact that Umemiya is holding back, at a time when Endo needs — something; if it's the reminder that Takiishi wouldn't do this for him, regardless of whether he walked in on it or not. Or maybe Endo feels somewhat exposed for having said it at all. He's fucked plenty of women; he's gotten kinky in all sorts of ways. But this is different — personal. It's something he's always wanted from someone else.
Abruptly: ]
I wanna clean up.
[ His pants are cold and wet, something that didn't matter before but now stands out as too uncomfortable. ]